HONESTY & RESPONSIBILITY

Lying to others is one thing, but lying to yourself and inhabiting that lie is death. And when you don't even acknowledge that you're living a lie, it's like playing Russian roulette.

I had to acknowledge that I was avoiding pain by avoiding decision-making. I was avoiding the pain of the difficulty of losing weight by avoidant behaviours like making bad food choices, not exercising. I was avoiding the pain of having too many dogs in a small flat by not neutering my male dog and keeping the puppies because I didn't want to experience the pain of letting them go. I was avoiding the pain of the tremendous difficulties in finding a job, having to humble one's self to such an extent, by pretending that I was looking for a job by sending cv's via email instead of getting up off my ass and looking.

The instantaneous pain of not having that chocolate, walking around the block, saying goodbye to a puppy you love more than most people and eating humble pie by looking for a job, any job in this recession is far less painful than the pain of avoiding things and living a lie.